We
are genetically wired to focus on what is wrong in others, our lives
or ourselves; on what we don’t have, and what we wish we had. This
makes evolutionary sense – it helps to keep us safe and strives to
fill the lack. However this natural tendency has some negative
consequences. If we only focus on what is wrong, it makes us feel
unhappy, frustrated, angry or sad. On the contrary, being grateful
for what we have and what is good in our lives creates a sense of
satisfaction, happiness and joy.
Throughout
the ages, people from all walks of life have shared their wisdom
about the virtues of gratitude. Also described as thankfulness and
appreciation, expressions of gratitude include a bow and a handshake,
a kiss, and a gift. Yet gratitude is something more than an outward
expression; it is much deeper and has far-reaching repercussions.
Dr
Robert Emmons, a professor at the University of California, is
dedicated to creating scientific data on the nature of gratitude and
its potential consequences for human health. Emmons specialises in
the psychology of gratitude and how this creates wellbeing. He is the
author of The
Psychology of Gratitude
and How
The New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier. In
summary, when
you practise giving attention to what you love and appreciate,
emotions occur that benefit your whole body. Experiencing genuine
gratitude can help manage stress, calm your nervous system, improve
your immune function and even prolong your life. The practice of
appreciation is also said to speed up recovery from illness and boost
your attitude to life.
The Why of Gratitude
Sonja
Lyubomirsky in her book The
How of Happiness
gives eight ways of how and why expressing gratitude works to make
you happier.
- Grateful thinking promotes the savouring of positive life experiences. By relishing and taking pleasure in some of the gifts of your life, you will be able to extract the maximum possible satisfaction and enjoyment from your current circumstances.
- Expressing gratitude bolsters self-worth and self-esteem. When you realise how much people have done for you or how much you have accomplished, you feel more confident and efficacious.
- Gratitude helps people cope with stress and trauma. That is, the ability to appreciate your life circumstances may be an adaptive coping method by which you positively reinterpret stressful or negative life experiences. Indeed, traumatic memories are less likely to surface – and are less intense when they do – in those who are regularly grateful. Expressing gratefulness during personal adversity like loss or chronic illness – as hard as that might be – can help you adjust, move on, and perhaps begin anew.
- The expression of gratitude encourages moral behaviour. Grateful people are more likely to help others (e.g. you become aware of kind and caring acts and feel compelled to reciprocate) and less likely to be materialistic (e.g. you appreciate what you have and become less fixated on acquiring more stuff).
- Gratitude can help build social bonds, strengthening existing relationships and nurturing new ones. Several studies have shown that people who feel gratitude toward particular individuals (even when they never directly express it) experience closer and “higher-quality” relationships with them. When you become truly aware of the value of your friends and family members, you are likely to treat them better, perhaps producing an “upward spiral,” a sort of positive feedback loop, in which strong relationships give you something to be grateful for, and in turn fortifying those very same relationships. In addition, a grateful person is a more positive person, and positive people are better liked by others and more likely to win friends.
- Expressing gratitude tends to inhibit invidious comparisons with others. If you are genuinely thankful and appreciative for what you have (e.g. family, health, home), you are less likely to pay close attention to or envy what the Joneses have.
- The practice of gratitude is incompatible with negative emotions and may actually diminish or deter such feelings as anger, bitterness, and greed. Indeed, it’s hard to feel guilty or resentful or infuriated when you’re feeling grateful.
- Gratitude helps us thwart hedonic adaptation. Hedonic adaptation is illustrated by our remarkable capacity rapidly to adjust to any new circumstance or event. This is extremely adaptive when the new event is unpleasant, but not when a new event is positive. So, when you gain something good in your life –a romantic partner, a genial officemate, recovery from illness, a brand-new car – there is an immediate boost in happiness and contentment. Unfortunately, because of hedonic adaptation, that boost is usually short-lived. Adaptation to all things positive is essentially the enemy of happiness, and one of the keys to becoming happier lies in combating its effects, which gratitude does quite nicely. By preventing people from taking the good things in their lives for granted – from adapting to their positive life circumstances – the practice of gratitude can directly counteract the effects of hedonic adaptation.
The How of Gratitude
Sonja
Lyubomirsky in her book The
How of Happiness writes
that there are multiple ways to practice the strategy of gratitude
and it would be wise to choose what works best for you. When the
strategy loses its freshness or meaningfulness, don’t hesitate to
make a change in how, when, and how often you express yourself. Here
are some suggestions:
Gratitude
journal.
If you enjoy writing, or it feels natural to you, then a promising
way to practice this strategy is with a gratitude journal. Choose a
time of day when you have several minutes to step outside your life
and to reflect. It may be first thing in the morning, or during
lunch, or while commuting, or before bedtime. Ponder the three to
five things for which you are currently grateful, from the mundane
(your dryer is fixed, your flowers are finally in bloom, your husband
remembered to stop by the store) to the magnificent (your child’s
first steps, the beauty of the sky at night). One way to do this is
to focus on all the things that you know to be true – for example,
something you’re good at, what you like about where you live, goals
you have achieved, and your advantages and opportunities. Don’t
forget specific individuals who care for you, have made contributions
to or sacrifices for you, or somehow touch your life. You may do
this daily, three times a week, weekly or fortnightly. You need to
determine the ideal timing tailored to your lifestyle and
disposition.
Paths
to gratitude.
Instead of writing, some of you may choose a fixed time simply to
contemplate each of your objects of gratitude and perhaps also to
reflect on why you are grateful and how your life has been enriched.
Others may choose to identify just one thing each day that they
usually take for granted and that ordinarily goes unappreciated.
Alternatively, some may want to acknowledge one ungrateful thought
per day (e.g., “my sister forgot my birthday”) and substitute a
grateful one (e.g., “she’s always been there for me”).
Friends
and family can also help foster your appreciation. One idea is to
procure a gratitude partner with whom you can share your blessings
list and who prompts and encourages you if you lose motivation or
simply forget. Another idea is to introduce a visitor to the things,
people, and places that you love. Show off your comic book
collection, your favourite park, or your favourite niece. Doing this
will help you see the ordinary details of your life through another
person’s eyes, affording you a fresh perspective and making you
appreciate them as though you were experiencing them for the very
first time.
Express
gratitude directly to another.
The expression of gratitude may be particularly effective when done
directly – by phone, letter, or face-to-face – to another person.
Perhaps it’s your mum, favourite uncle, or old friend; perhaps it’s
an old coach, teacher, or supervisor. Write him or her a letter and,
if possible, visit and read the letter out loud in person, on either
a special day (birthday, anniversary, or holiday) or a random one.
Describe in detail what he or she did for you and exactly how it
affected your life; mention how you often remember his or her
efforts. Some people find it uplifting to write gratitude letters to
individuals whom they don’t know personally but who have influenced
their lives (such as authors or politicians) or made their lives
easier (such as their postal carriers or bus drivers).
Keep
the strategy fresh.
An important recommendation is to keep the gratitude strategy fresh
by varying it and not over practising it. For example, if you count
your blessings every single day – in the exact same way, in a non
varying routine – you may become bored with the routine and may
cease to extract much meaning from it. Or you may choose to write in
a journal some weeks, talk to a friend other weeks, and express
gratitude through art (photography, collage, watercolour) during
other weeks. On the other hand, you may purposefully want to vary the
domains of your life on which to focus – for example, alternately
counting your blessings with respect to your supportive relationships
or work life or past events or your physical surroundings or even to
life itself. These techniques will help make the expression of
gratitude a meaningful practice, such that it continues to bolster
happiness instead of hitting a plateau.
Reference:
http://www.gratefulness.org/
